


Read my Username

by sqwaaak



Series: RMUverse [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: CBX gc where Minseok has constant gay crises, Even though he won't read this lmao, I made Jongdae aromantic because one of my only EXO-L friends is aro, I still love you Tako, I'm also Xiuhun trash, Just trash in general but, M/M, OT12 because I'm weak, Really really bad Instagram AU, Sehun - Freeform, Sehun is a model, an entire little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-01-15 02:58:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 5,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12312486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sqwaaak/pseuds/sqwaaak
Summary: oohsehun: So you're Baekhyun-hyung's friend, right?Bao_zi99: Yeah but who are you?oohsehun: Idk maybe like, read my username





	1. And a queen

**Author's Note:**

> This is like one of the first times I haven't done basically all really unpopular ships I'm quaking I hope you enjoy this really bad fic
> 
> ALSO I'M SO HAPPY FOR LUHAN LMAO LIKE I CRIED SHE'S SO PRETTY AND I LOVE HER ACTING I HOPE THEY'RE REALLY HAPPY TOGETHER I'M SOFT

"Hyung, who's that guy in the picture with you and Jongdae-Hyung?" Sehun asked, pointing to the screen of his phone for Baekhyun to see.

The elder looked over his friend's shoulder, seeing the picture he had posted of him and his two best friends. "Oh, that's Minseok. You would like him," he said. "His username is Bao_zi99 if you wanna check him out,"

Sehun, an entire idiot, interpreted that as 'hey, you should DM this man you've never met, he's my friend.' So, he did. He looked up Bao_zi99, and followed him, almost immediately after choosing to send a message.

**oohsehun**

So, you're Baekhyun-hyung's friend, right?

**Bao_zi99**

Yeah but who are you?

**oohsehun**

Idk maybe like, read my username?

**Bao_zi99**

Well aren't you a comedian

**oohsehun**

I try, thank you, sir.

**Bao_zi99**

Correct grammar puts me off stop it

**oohsehun**

You're no fun

But you're cute so I'll let it slide

**Bao_zi99**

Truly a gentleman

**oohsehun**

Thank you, thank you

**Bao_zi99**

What did I say about commas

**oohsehun**

Nothing

You just said not to use correct grammar

**Bao_zi99**

That counts you child

**oohsehun**

I'm offended

You're only like four years older than me

**Bao_zi99**

That's still seniority

You child

**oosehun**

:(

\--

**CBX**

**Bao_zi99**

Baekhyun what the fuck

**Baekhyunee**

what

**Bao_zi99**

Why did you send that unbearably adorable devil child to me

**Baekhyunee**

um who

**Bao_zi99**

@oohsehun

**Baekhyunee**

ohhh lol sehun

**Chenchenchen**

Unbearably adorable devil child I'm gone

**Baekhyunee**

honestly the most accurate description of him i've ever heard

but onto my issues i like this guy who jongin made me follow he's really cute and sweet but we've never met and i think he has a boyfriend

**Chenchenchen**

Rough

**Bao_zi99**

Oh that sucks Baekhyunnie :((

 **Baekhyunee**  

my only option is to become a homewrecker

 **Chenchenchen**  

Aaaaand he ruins the unrequited love trope

 **Baekhyunee**  

shut the hell up you're aromantic

 **Chenchenchen**  

Lmao

 **Bao_zi99**  

WAIT SHIT I LEFT HIM ON READ BYE

 **Baekhyunee**  

dumbass

\--

 **oohsehun**  

:(

 **Bao_zi99**  

Oh stop whining

I'm sorry

I won't call you a child

 **oohsehun**  

:)

\--

**hztttao** I'm third wheeling this asshole and a queen and they may be cute as hell but I'm Done™ @zyxzjs come pick me up

Liked by  **Baekhyunee** , **oohsehun** and **201 others**

_View all 74 comments_

**zyxzjs** I can't pick you up if I don't know where you are


	2. I fucking dare you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaisoo sails and Baekhyun called it 4 years ago so he's just come into possession of a large sum of money

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This made me soft
> 
> Krisho, my weakness
> 
> I'm trying to give each chapter a specific pairing so like every how many chapters will be each pairing even though this one has Kaisoo it's about Krisho

**Jongnini** It's really been a long time coming, but finally, I can call this beautiful man mine. I've been stupidly in love for almost seven years, but it was worth it because such a wonderful person like him is in my life. 

Liked by **Official_Taemin** , **7_luhan_m** and **456 others**

_ View all 218 comments _

**Baekhyunee** I CALLED IT YOU ALL OWE ME MONEY

**hztttao** That's so sappy and disgusting I love it

**oohsehun** You bitch,, why didn't you tell me first???

\--

**d.ksoo** Come near my man, I fucking dare you

Liked by **real__pcy** , **Chenchenchen** and **130 others**

_View all 59 comments_

**real__pcy** Honestly you're terrible at this he gives us this beautiful message and you just threaten everyone

 **Chenchenchen** @real__pcy Why are you surprised

 **Jongnini** Aww,baby, you don't have to be jealous, I only see you

\--

**galaxy_fanfan**

I think it's really sweet that Jongin and Kyungsoo are finally dating

** Suho **

Yeah

Do you think we'll ever be able to do that?

** galaxy_fanfan **

Baby

I'm not gonna pressure you into that

I know you're still scared because of your parents

We can come out when you're ready

** Suho **

I fucking love you, you know that?

** galaxy_fanfan **

Yeah, I do

Come over?

**Suho**

Of course, Sweetheart

\--

**Suho** We were supposed to hang out but the bitch fell asleep before I got here so now's a good of time as ever so @galaxy_fanfan is my boyfriend suprise

Liked by **d.ksoo** and **235 others**

_ View all 100 comments _

**Baekhyunee** BITCH WHAT I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT

 **oohsehun** Hyung omg that's so brave all my respect has been returned

 **7_luhan_m** I'm so proud of you, Junmyeonnie!! Everyone please support them!! I love you both so much!!

 **stronger917** That's so cute :)) I support you guys 100%!!

\--

**galaxy_fanfan** So, since he decided to unceremoniously expose us, I've decided to unceremoniously tell you that he's officially my fiance

Liked by **hztttao** , **Bao_zi99** and **681 others**

_View all 503 comments_

**7_luhan_m** I'm crying in the club

 **hztttao** @7_luhan_m Bitch me too where you at

 **oohsehun** Here you guys are getting engaged and I can't even get a date

 **Baekhyunee** LMAO he looks so done with your ass

 **galaxy_fanfan** @Baelhyunee fuck off I'm trying to be sentimental

\--

Junmyeon snuggled into his fiance, singing in content. "Don't tell me you're still mad," he said when Yifan huffed, typing away on his phone.

"Not at you," he replied, tossing the device back on the end table. "But I'm expecting a second round of engagement sex,"

The younger shook his head with a laugh as he lazily kissed the other's collarbone. "You're so demanding, Wu Yifan. But, I guess I could comply just this once,"

You always comply, I'm impossible to say no to," he laughed when Junmyeon hit him, pulling the Korean man up for a kiss.

"Is that so?" he asked against his partner's lips.

Yifan nodded. "I think you'll find I'm very persuasive," 


	3. Better than you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually I've decided that every other chapter is Xiuhun

Minseok was scrolling through Instagram. Something that never, ever went well for him. Ever.

He nearly fell off his couch when he saw one of Sehun's selfies. Most of the pictures he posted had been of some dog, probably belonging to the younger man. "What the hell, he's hot!" he ran a hand down his face, fake sobbing.

\--

**oohsehun** The original drama queen

Liked by **Jongnini** , **hzzztao** and **1,034 others**

**View all 821 comments**

**7_luhan_m** I can vouch for this

 **real__pcy** Put a shirt on you're fucking disgusting

 **oohsehun** @real__pcy I can't contain this beauty

 **hztttao** You look beautiful as always my husband

 **Jongnini** @hztttao Excuse You that's MY husband

 **oohsehun** @hztttao @Jongnini or how about I already have a husband

\--

**The baddest bitches on the block**

**hztttao**

BITCH WHO STOLE YOU FROM ME I'M FIGHTING

**Jongnini**

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**oohsehun**

Neither of you have a chance I'm already in love

**hztttao**

I've been beaten

Well guess I better stay with my boyfriend then

Darn

**oohsehun**

I revoke my title as original drama queen and give it to you

**hztttao**

I refuse

It's your title and you don't see me proclaiming my love for Yixing at the top of my lungs

Unlike you and

M i n s e o k

**oohsehun**

I'm suing

Where the hell is Jongin

**hztttao**

Kyungsoo probably made him have jealous sex so I'm assuming he's being bent over some surface

**oohsehun**

They're disgusting

**hztttao**

Gotta blast boy's home and I think he needs a bj stat

**oohsehun**

*you're disgusting

Bye you bitch

\--

**Jongnini**

You haven't lived until you've been fucked up against a wall by a man shorter than you

\--

**oohsehun**

Hyungggg

**Bao_zi99**

What

**oohsehun**

Hi :)))

**Bao_zi99**

Hi Sehun

**oohsehun**

How was your day today?

**Bao_zi99**

It's been okay

What about you

**oohsehun**

Not so great

But I'm talking to you so it's better

**Bao_zi99**

That's sad to hear

But I'm glad I made your day a little better

**oohsehun**

You always make my day better :)

**Bao_zi99**

I'm honored

**oohsehun**

Well I'm gonna go to bed

Night hyung

**Bao_zi99**

Goodnight Sehun

\--

**7_luhan_m** @Bao_zi99 bitch remember this

Liked by **stronger917** , **Baekhyunee** , **hztttao** and **290 others**

_View all 219 comments_

**Bao_zi99** I'm gonna kill myself

 **hztttao** What The Fuck Is This I'm Screenshotting

 **Stronger917** So cute!!  <33

 **Suho** You two are disgusting I'm officially done with living @Bao_zi99 let me join you

 **Bao_zi99** @Suho let's go I'm fucking ready

\--

**Baddest bitches on the block**

**oohsehun**

My life is complete

**Jongnini**

Shut the hell up the picture isn't even that cute

**oohsehun**

You shut the hell up you used to have a crush on Luhan so you don't even get to talk

**hztttao**

I'm just using it for blackmail


	4. Emo Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TaoLay is dead wHo she's still going strong (aka I'm in denial)

  **hztttao** I miss your emo hair it was hot grow it out again @zyxzjs

Liked by **7_luhan_m** , **Bao_zi99** , **Baekhyunee** and **187 others**

_View all 97 comments_

**Jongnini** Excuse Fucking Me But That's Fucking Terrible

 **zxyzjs** Well looks like I'm not living any longer

\--

**hztttao** I'm a a fucking roll I just keep finding allllllllll our old cringey videos,,, feeding my husbands for days you're welcome husbands

Liked by **Jongnini** , **oohsehun** , **Baekhyunee** and **300 others**

_View all 105 comments_

**oohsehun** Thank you for feeding us husband

 **Jongnini** Wow Look At My Husband feeding us visuals

 **Jongnini** Too bad we all have boyfriends

 **oohsehun** @Jongnini careful if you mention him he might come here and fuck you in the comments

 **Jongnini** @oohsehun Good we haven't dicked in like 3 days

 **hztttao** @Jongnini @oohsehun Save it for the group chat boys

\--

**Baddest bitches on the block**

**Jongnini**

When the fuck did Kyungsoo go from a sweet little sweetie to a jealous like

Hot

Really fucking hot

Top stud guy

**oohsehun**

The second you agreed to be his mans

He a jealous boy

Get used to it

**Jongnini**

Tao you're lucky Yixing never gets jealous

**hztttao**

Ha

Haha

Hahahahahahahahahahah

That's really funny Jongin

He may not show it but god damn

The man is a monster

**oohsehun**

Jongin you've been wrong before and you've just been wrong again

I knew he was kinky

Do you call him daddy

**hztttao**

No

But sometimes he gets in A Mood and makes me call him sir

 **Jongnini** named the group **EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK**

**oohsehun**

You broke Jongin

**hztttao**

Sucks to be him

\--

**zxyzjs**

Hey, Baby

I need to talk to you about something

**hztttao**

What is it?

**zxyzjs**

My boss says that the proposition is going well

He wants me in China for another week or two

**hztttao**

Oh

It's okay, love

Just do your best and come back to me when you can

**zxyzjs**

What did I ever do to deserve you?

**hztttao**

Probably sold your soul to the devil in a past life

One sec I gotta go

Someone's at the door

**zyxzjs**

Alright

I love you

**hztttao**

I love you too

\--

Zitao got up, doing his best not to cry. He wasn't mad, even if Yixing had been back in China for nearly a month, even if he had promised that he would be home in time for their anniversary. He couldn't get mad because he was stupid in love, and he got himself away from crying by the time he reached the door.

As soon as he opened it, Yixing found himself with an armful of Huang Zitao. "Baby, Baby! Calm down, you'll crush the flowers!" he stumbled back a bit to adjust to the weight.

Tao did end up crying, right into his boyfriend's coat. "Oh my God, I hate you! Ugh, how could you lie to me?!" he wasn't mad. Okay, yes he totally was. But, like, a good mad. He didn't know what he was thinking about, except for the fact that he had his favorite pair of arms around him.

"Let's go inside," after Yixing put the flowers in a vase, they didn't even make it to the bedroom Zitao dropped to his knees, unzipping the suit pants his boyfriend wore. "As enticing as you look, please let me treat you today." he spoke softly, a hand running through his boyfriend's hair.

Zitao's breath hitched, and he let himself be pulled to his feet.

\--

**EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK**

**hztttao**

I'm so fucking gross and in love kill me

 **Jongnini**  

Welcome to the club babe

**oohsehun**

I fucking invented this club I should be welcoming him

Welcome to the club

 **hztttao** named the group **Welcome to the club**

**Jongnini**

What are we a cult

**hztttao**

Yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just miss Yixing's emo hair okay let me fucking live
> 
> Also look ik that I make all of them so soft but that's just a result of me being so soft so d e a l w i t h i t
> 
> ALSO LMAO I HATE FORMATTING THIS TO BE LIKE INSTA IT TAKES SO LONG BC I'M SLOW BUT I LOVE THIS FIC LMAO SO I'LL DO IT


	5. Hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idk they meet up for the first time by suggestion of a sweetie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SCREAMING I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED IT LIKE 4 TIMES

**CBX**

**Bao_zi99**

Well I don't need to be alive anymore

**Chenchenchen**

What happened boyo

**Baekhyunee**

did i miss some drama

**Chenchenchen**

No Minseok-hyung just wants to die

As always

**Baekhyunee**

k but why this time

**Bao_zi99**

Uh because Sehun wants to meet up

**Baekhyunee**

then meet up with him???

**Bao_zi99**

But he's like way too good for me I don't want to lead him on

**Baekhyunee**

nah we ain't doing this shit again meet up with his tall ass

**Chenchenchen**

I demand photo evidence

**Bao_zi99**

Damn bitch calm your tits fine

**Chenchenchen**

Love you babe

**Bao_zi99**

Miss me with that gay shit

 --

**oohsehun**

So do you wanna hang out today?

We've been talking for a couple months and I just kinda want to meet you in person

**Bao_zi99**

One second

I need to check to see if I have plans

**oohsehun**

Okay :)

**Bao_zi99**

I'm all good

Where did you wanna meet up

**oohsehun**

Well I know this bubble tea shop

*insert link here bc I'm fuckin lazy*

**Bao_zi99**

Cool

I can hang now if that's chill

**oohsehun**

Awesome!

See you in a bit?

**Bao_zi99**

Yep

\--

**oohsehun** Look how hot we are @Bao_zi99 

Liked by **Baekhyunee** , **7_luhan_m** , **Bao_zi99** and **301 others**

**View all 239 comments**

**Bao_zi99** you mean look at how hot *you are

 **Bao_zi99** WAIT NO BYE I'M CANCELED

 **Jongnini** Well why don't you just get married already god

 **hztttao** @Jongnini your jealous is showing keep that in check

 **Baekhyunee** Sehun Jesus christ your phone camera is awful get a fucking new one

 **oohsehun** @Baekhyunee fist of all fuck you

\--

**CBX**

**Baekhyunee**

I'M IN TEARS MINSEOK HOW DID YOU FUCK UP THAT BAD HOLY SHIT

**Chenchenchen**

YOUR ASS SERIOUSLY JUST CALLED HIM HOT I'M GONE

I CANT EVEN

AND THERE'S NO WAY HE DIDN'T SEE IT SO YOU BETTER NOT DELETE THAT SHIT

MINHUN FUCKING RIZE

 **Baekhyunee** has named the group **minhun fucking rise**

**Bao_zi99**

You know what

Minhun fucking rise

**Baekhyunee**

holy shit

jongdae screenshot that

**Chenchenchen**

Fucking on it holy shit

\--

**oohsehun**

So you think I'm hot?

**Bao_zi99**

One sec lemme just

Kill myself

**oohsehun**

WHAT

NO

DON'T

I think you're hot too

I was kind of in awe the whole time

**Bao_zi99**

Shit okay uh

Shit

Sorry I can't think of anything to say

Fuck

**oohsehun**

:))) we need to hang out again

**Bao_zi99**

Yeah

Yeah we do

\--

**Welcome to the club**

**oohsehun**

I'm gonna cry

**Jongnini**

Why

**oohsehun**

He's so fucking cute dude you don't even know

Like fuck he couldn't even form a sentence after I told him he's hot too

**hztttao**

I mean he is hot not gonna lie

**Jongnini**

Honestly yeah

**oohsehun**

BACK THE FUCK UP OFF MY MAN JESUS

**hzztao**

Y'all ain't even dating

**oohsehun**

Yeah well next time I'm gonna suck his dick and then he won't be able to escape

**Jongnini**

Show him the Sebooty

Reel him in and then never let him go

**oohsehun**

That's the plan babe

**hztttao**

Like bow

Miss me with that gay shit

**Jongnini**

Why do I feel like someone's just said that


	6. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I added Johnny

**real__pcy** Throwback Thursday @Jongnini @Suho @oohsehun

Liked by **Jongnini** , **Suho** , **oohsehun** and **471 others**

_View all 297 comments_

**oohsehun** Woah I miss him omg

 **Jongnini** Didn't he move back to America?

 **real___pcy** @Jongnini Dude don't make me emo again

 **Baekhyunee** Okay but what the fuck is your hair @ all of you

 **Suho**  @Baekhyunee High school 

 **hztttao** Ohoho this one's getting screenshotted

\--

**Baekhyunee**

so who's that guy lol

**real__pcy**

He was basically Sehun's best friend when we were cringey teens and idk I think they fought or something and then bam

No more Youngho

**Baekhyunee**

oh no :((

want me to stalk insta and find him

**real__pcy**

Omg would you please

What do I owe you

**Baekhyunee**

a date

**real__pcy**

Damn

Smooth

Alright

I'll even pay

**Baekhyunee**

nah ew

i'll be the one paying thank you

all you have to do is sit there and look handsome for me

**real__pcy**

We aren't doing this so how about you pay for me, I pay for you

**Baekhyunee**

deal

now lemme go find your man

**real__pcy**

What a gentleman

**Baekhyunee**

what's his full name

**real__pcy**

Seo Youngho

Or Johnny Seo I think

**Baekhyunee**

thanks b

\--

Baekhyun cracked his knuckles in preparation, Jongdae snorting from across the room as he watched reruns of She Was Pretty. 

"I got a date, so you don't get to laugh. Just watch your damn drama and shut up about wanting to suck Siwon's dick," he started searching up combinations of the guys name, until he was about to give up.

But then, there it was. Seo.done. He laughed at the play on words, clicking on the profile. The latest post was of him and another guy.

\--

**Seo.done** Last day in America~ before we go to the airport, that is... It's gonna be a big change living in Korea again. Wish us luck!

**405 likes**

_View all 320 comments_

\--

Baekhyun continued to scroll through his Instagram, ultimately deciding that he liked the guy. It totally wasn't just because him and his boyfriend were adorable. Not at all. The weirdly perfect grammar was weird, though.

\--

  **Baekhyunee**

i found him

**real__pcy**

It's been like an hour how

**Baekhyunee**

i'm talented

seo.done

contact him then pick me up bc we have that date

**real__pcy**

Cool

\--

  **real__pcy**

Hi Youngho, I don't know if you remember me, but we used to be friends

My name's Park Chanyeol, if you remember

**Seo.done**

Oh, no way! It's been forever, Chanyeol! How are you? Are the rest of you still friends?

**real__pcy**

It really has dude!! I'm doing great, and yeah we're all still friends

We need to meet up when you get back to Korea 

**Seo.done**

We do! I'll be back, and settled, in a few days, so we can meet up then. You guys will love Ten—that's my boyfriend—and he'd totally be down to hang out.

**real__pcy**

Cool! Message me when you want to hang

**Seo.done**

Got it. 

\--

**real__pcy**

Open the door

 **Baekhyunee**  

jokes on you we're staying here i don't feel like going out

**real__pcy**

You're lucky I have snacks

**Baekhyunee**

you're the best bud

now get inside it's unlocked

\--

**real__pcy** Expensive first date? Who is she?

Liked by **oohsehun** , **Baekhyunee** and **397 others**

_View all 330 comments_

**oohsehun** W o ah there

 **Bao_zi99** Hell yeah Baek get some

 **7_luhan_m** Um there are children here delete this immediately says nO ONE FUCK YEAH GET SOME BAEK

 **hztttao** Wow would you LOOK at all this blackmail material

 **Jongnini** Ew wtf get out ain't no one wanna see that gay shit

 **d.ksoo** @Jongnini yeah and you're shorter than me

\--

**Bao_zi99**

They totally fucked

**Chenchenchen**

100%

I bet you 1000 they're dating by like next week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just you wait he's getting added to the Group Chat™ also
> 
> Also tmw you're weak for ChanBaek and they were gonna be the not soft couple but they ended up soft anyways


	7. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An excuse to put in some Johnhun bc friendship goals
> 
> Also JohnTen bc uhhhhh I love them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot????????? Who IS she???????????????????
> 
> Also I promise Sehun isn't shitty he's just an idiot

**123456789Ten** Sip sip

Liked by **real__pcy** , **Jongnini** , **Suho** and **987 others**

_View all 704 comments_

**real__pcy** Tf you trying to spill

 **Jongnini** Who we exposing

\--

**oohsehun**

Where the fresh fuck are you

**real__pcy**

On my way

**oohsehun**

Sure

Be here before 3

\--

**Suho** Wow we're having so :)) much :)) fun :)) without :)) Jongin :)) and :)) Chanyeol :))

Liked by **Seo.done** , **oohsehun** and **300 others**

_View all 118 comments_

**real__pcy** Damn bitch get more salty why don't you

 **Jongnini** Wow replacing us already might as well stay home

\--

**CBX**

**Bao_zi99**

Um

Guys

Can we like talk for a second

**Baekhyunee**

sure babe

**Chenchenchen**

What is it babe

**Bao_zi99**

Okay

I know he didn't mean to because his friend is back so obviously he wants to hang out with his friend

But Sehun totally canceled our plans for today

And I don't want to be upset because it makes me feel dumb because it wasn't like they were real dates or anything

But I'm still kinda sad because we were gonna chill at my place and maybe cuddle

**Baekyunee**

first of all what the fuck

**Bao_zi99**

Don't get upset

**Baekhyunee**

oh i'll get mad

that little

god how shitty that isn't an excuse minseok

i don't care if he's out with whoever he needs a talking to

**Chenchenchen**

While he does that let's talk about bad dramas

 **Bao_zi99**  

Okay :)

\--

**Baekhyunee**

listen here you fucking idiot

did you even think about how he feels

like god damn even i wouldn't be that dumb

**oohsehun**

Um fucking excuse you

I didn't do anything

**Baekhyunee**

i bethink thou art highly wrong wench

because you canceled plans with minseok and that really upset him

**oohsehun**

He said it was fine??

**Baekhunee**

of course he fucking said it was fine sehun

he doesn't want to fucking upset you or make you have to wait to see your friend

you were excited as hell of course he's not gonna say anything

**oohsehun**

Oh

**Baekhyunee**

oh

that's it

that's all you're going to say

**oohsehun**

What do you expect me to say

**Baekhyunee**

that you're

i don't know

sorry maybe

**oohsehun**

I was gonna surprise him later with lots of takeout and like a ton of old movies he loves but

If you just want me to apologize then

**Baekhyunee**

you smooth fucker i can't believe you oh my god

don't fuck up again tho i'll kick your ass

**oohsehun**

I bet you will

\--

**CBX**

**Baekhyunee**  

i've returned

**Chenchenchen**

How did it go

**Baekhyunee**

better than expected

but minseok can't find out why

**Bao_zi99**

Um why

**Baekhyunee**

uhh don't worry about it

**Bao_zi99**

Why does that worry me

**Baekhyunee**

idk

it shouldn't

\--

**oohsehun**

Hyung

Can you open the door this is heavy 

Bao_zi99 

Um what

**oohsehun**

Please I can't knock I have to use voice typing

Bao_zi99 

On my way just wait a second??

\--

And so, they found themselves surrounded by Styrofoam boxes about an hour later, watching some western film that Sehun claimed to love. 

Minseok thought it was dumb, but he wasn't going to say that when he had a cute boy laying on his chest, quietly explaining the plot when it didn't make sense to the older.

Neither really said anything about the close proximity, but didn't do anything to move closer either. Sehun quite liked the small hand running through his hair, and smiled, snuggling slightly closer into Minseok.

"Ah, it's getting late... I should probably head back," he said, moving to get up, but the older clung tighter, whining in protest. "No..." he said. "Stay over?"

Sehun wanted to choke. But, he kept it inside his mind. "Uh, sure." he said dumbly, letting Minseok do what he wanted as he adjusted slightly, one hand slipping down to Sehun's waist.

It would be a long night. 

\--

**oohsehun** I'm 100% gonna die for this but look at this cute guy seriously

Liked by **Baekhyunee** , **real__pcy** , **Seo.done** and **410 others**

_View all 393 comments_

**Baekhyunee** I've never been softer

 **hztttao** Wowie what a softie

 **Jongnini** Gone is me, I am gone

\--

**Welcome to the club**

**oohsehun** added **Seo.done**

 **oohsehun**  

It had to happen eventually

**Jongnini**

Omg welcome to the club

**hztttao**

Is this another husband

**oohsehun**

This is the friend remember

**hztttao**

Oh ye a h

Hi friend

**Seo.done**

Hi! I'm Johnny.

Or Youngho, whichever you prefer. 

**hztttao**

Hell yeah

I'm Tao

Also Sehun did you suck his dick or

**oohsehun**

Working on it

**Seo.done**

Oh my...

Just a tip, guys like him usually find it hot when you work them up

 **Jongnini**  

DID HE JUST SERIOUSLY DO THAT

BYE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K but damn y'all lucky I love you bc I spend like a long ass time searching for these pictures like damn it took 30 mins to find that one of those four
> 
> Also yes I'm quite aware that is Jaehyun and not Ten so let's just say Ten went to get drinks and Jaehyun was there too


	8. Handle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna fucking scream I love Minseok so much
> 
> bUt ThIs Is ThE kAiSoO cHaPtEr
> 
> Hhhhhhhhhh I know but still

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bc my boi Kyungsoo, he don't get enough screentime (what the fuck am I saying this is a fucking story)
> 
> Anyways like half of this is just Soo being a softie
> 
> +Jongdae being a shit

**d.ksoo**

Babe

Are you up?

**Jongnini**

Yea

What up

**d.ksoo**

I just can't sleep

**Jongini**

Oh no, my poor Soosoo

**d.ksoo**

Oh my god, that was so bad

**Jongnini**

Come on, admit that you love it

**d.ksoo**

I definitely don't

But I love you

**Jongnini**

Awww

Soo

I love you too

**d.ksoo**

I miss your face

**Jongnini**

You saw me like

Today

**d.ksoo**

And?

I miss you the second I can't see you

**Jongnini**

I'm gone

You've killed me

Goodbye world

I can die a happy man

**d.ksoo**

Kim Jongin, you're being dramatic

Jongin

Did you fall asleep?

Are you ignoring me...?

**Jongnini**

So you have something to look at

**d.ksoo**

I'm sorry, Kyungsoo can't come to the phone right now, he's just died

**Jongnini**

Awww babe 

I'm not that hot

**d.ksoo**

I beg to differ

**Jongnini**

I beg that we have sexual intercourse upon our next meeting

**d.ksoo**

Jesus christ

Goodnight

**Jongnini**

Night :)

\--

**Chenchenchen** I'm too hot for you to handle, babe

Liked by **Jongnini** , **Baekhyunee** and **509 others**

_View all 318 comments_

**Baekhyunee** No wonder you don't want a boyfriend

\--

**Welcome to the club**

**oohsehun**

There I was

Barbecue sauce on my titties

**Seo.done**

I like where this is going.

**oohsehun**

So this guy bursts into the place and just barrels himself at Jaehyun

  **Seo.done**

Doyoung.

It was Doyoung.

Jaehyun's boyfriend.

Jaehyun lived with us for about four years in America.

 **Jongnini**  

What is that a bad meme

**oohsehun**

Shut up Jongin stop fucking exposing the author

**Jongnini**

Ignore that and continue with your day then

**hztttao**

We're very sorry everyone please ignore him

**oohsehun**

Dammit Jongin you ruined the chapter

Bye guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I l i v e d i n A m e r i c a f o r f o u r y e a r s


	9. The Century

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idk what's going on but are we just gonna sit here and ignore Chensoolubaek bromance because I'm not
> 
> Says me, like an avid chensoo stan literally I love them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna cry why am I like this
> 
> Aka Xiuhun sexting because who am I anymore
> 
> What is this an existential crisis

**Chenchenchen** Squad of the century

Liked by **Bao_zi99** , **d.ksoo** and **309 others**

**View all 46 comments**

**Bao_zi99** When was the last time you even hung out together without the rest of us

 **Chenchenchen** @Bao_zi99 literally that picture because s o m e o n e got a girlfriend

\--

**Minhun fucking rise**

**Baekhyunee**

drag him babe

**Chenchenchen**

Oh I will

 **Bao_zi99**  

Don't let him live

How dare he abandon the squad

**Chenchenchen**

Let's make a ton of indirects

 **Bao_zi99**  

Too much work no thanks

**Baekhyunee**

^^^

**Chenchenchen**

So how's your boyfriend

**Baekhyunee**

great thanks

 **Bao_zi99**  

He's not my boyfriend

**Chenchenchen**

Oh yes he is

He just doesn't know it yet

 **Bao_zi99**  

What the fuck Jongdae

**Chenchenchen**

Look if you won't let me on that dick then you better let him

**Bao_zi99**

Bye

**Baekhyunee**

god jongdae stop being so fucking thirsty for 3 seconds

**Chenchenchen**

Impossible I want all the dicks

Except Sehun's

**Baekhyunee**

what a gentleman

 **Chenchenchen**  

I know

**Baekhyunee**

where did daddy go

 **Chenchenchen**  

Who is Byun Baekhyun

I don't know her

There is no daddy kink here

Oh wait you were talking about Minseok I think he's sexting his twink boyfriend

**Baekhyunee**

they're not dating yet and it takes days off my lifespan

but how did you come to that conclusion

 **Chenchenchen**  

I have a sense Baekhyun

I'm so horny I can sense when other people are horny

**Baekhyunee**

how turned on am i

 **Chenchenchen**  

Like 50% because I'm assuming Chanyeol sent some form of nudes

**Baekhyunee**

chen 

the psychic but only with sexual activity

 **Chenchenchen**  

That's me

 **Baekhyunee**  

is this how you know who to text when you feel like sexing it up

 **Chenchenchen**  

When don't I feel like sexing it up

 **Baekhyunee**  

true

is this how you know who to text so they'll also want to sex it up

**Chenchenchen**

There we go

\--

**oohsehun**

Hyung

Hyung please answer

 **Bao_zi99**  

What's up Sehun

**oohsehun**

God this is gonna be so weird for me to ask

But can you like

Help me get off

**Bao_zi99**

Oh

Uh

Okay

What do you want me to like

Do

 **oohsehun**  

I

What would you do to me

If you were here

 **Bao_zi99**  

Oh

\--

**Minhun fucking rise**

**Bao_zi99**  

I'm gonna fucking cry

 **Chenchenchen**  

Told you 

 **Baekhyunee**  

oh my god

You better not have left him on read he needs to jerk off Minseok

 **Bao_zi99**  

How the fuck did you know

**Chenchenchen**

It's my sense Minseok

I can feel it in my dick

He's a twink I bet he wants you so far up his butthole you won't be able to get out

 **Bao_zi99**  

Alright well I guess I have a twink to take care of

 **Baekhyunee**  

That's the spirit

\--

**Bao_zi99**

Oh

Well Sehun

What do you want me to do

**oohsehun**

Anything?

 **Bao_zi99**  

Anything

**oohsehun**

I want

I want you to get hard for me

 **Bao_zi99**  

And then what

 **oohsehun**  

Then show me

Please, Hyung

 **Bao_zi99** sent you a photo!

[Ha JOKES ON YOU I'M NOT PUTTING ANY DICKS THIS IS A GOOD CHRISTIAN SERVER]

\--

Sehun moaned at the picture, screenshotting the Very Nice Penis his hyung had. God, he wanted it. He wanted Minseok so bad.

\--

**oohsehun**

Hyung oh my god

I really want you to fuck me

**Bao_zi99**

How bad do you want it

**oohsehun**

Are you gonna make me beg?

\--

Now,  _that_ sent a pang of arousal rushing through the twenty-seven year old. He bit his knuckle, thinking of how to reply.

Of course he was going to make Sehun beg. If he was going to present himself to Minseok as a needy twink, he god damn better play the part.

\--

 **Bao_zi99**  

Is that even a question

Of course I'm going to make you beg

 **oohsehun** has sent you a photo!

[no butts either because this is a gOOD CHRISTIAN SERVER]

**oohsehun**

I'm stretched open for you hyung

Please

I need it so bad, you don't even know

You're so beautiful, and I like you so much

I just want you to fuck me

Please 

\--

Well, there goes his heart. Minseok was in too deep, there was no way out.

\--

 **Bao_zi99**  

How do you want me to fuck you

**oohsehun**

Any way you want, Hyung

 **Bao_zi99**  

Would you ride me

**oohsehun**

God, yes

Please, yes

\--

Sehun wasn't going to last. He had his only dildo (a lovely present from Zitao his last birthday) laying inside him, suction cup stuck against the headboard of his bed. He was sure his neighbor could hear him fucking back against it.

\--

**Bao_zi99**

Are you gonna cum?

**oohsehun**

Yes, Hyung

I'm gonna cum so pretty for you

 **Bao_zi99**  

Show me

\--

And he cried out, hand around his arousal, silicone toy in his ass, and as he came down, he was panting heavily, trying not to shake too hard as he took a picture for Minseok.

\--

 **oohsehun** has sent you a photo!

[we shall have no nudity in this gooD CHRISTIAN SERVER)

**Bao_zi99**

You're so pretty

Do you feel better

**oohsehun**

Yes

Yes, thank you, Hyung

 **Bao_zi99**  

Of course

Anything for you

**oohsehun**

:))

\--

**Welcome to the club**

**oohsehun**

I'm so fucked

**hztttao**

Good or bad way

 **oohsehun**  

Depends 

Because I'm in love with a man and he just helped me get off but where does that leave us

I told him I like him

 **Jongnini**  

Sehun

You're in love with him

You'e just going to hurt yourself if you don't do something about it

**Seo.done**

Wise words, father. 

**Jongnini**

Thank you son

Anyways you do something or I'm gonna

**oohsehun**

Fuck okay

\--

**Minhun fucking rise**

**Bao_zi99**  

Well I feel like shit

 **Chenchenchen**  

Did it not go well

 **Bao_zi99**  

No it was great 

But now I don't know if he wants to date me or if he's just Jongdae 2.0 and only keeps me around for my dick

 **Chenchenchen**  

Okay first of all I only wanted to fuck you after I had a disaster with Baekhyun

We know you're low key a kinkmaster 

 **Baekhyunee**  

not my fault you squirm too much

 **Chenchenchen**  

You choked me Baekhyun 

And I liked it

You ruined vanilla for me

Thanks

 **Baekhyunee**  

any time

but shut the fuck up minseok is having a crisis

anyways he definitely wants more than your dick

he would probably marry you even if you were asexual

 **Bao_zi99**  

Woah we aren't even dating

 **Chenchenchen**  

Don't lie you totally wanna wife him up

 **Bao_zi99**  

No

I want to husband him up

He could be my stay at home dad except we don't have kids

 **Baekhyunee**  

lol so he's basically just your cat

 **Bao_zi99**  

Woah woah

I'm not that bad

Goodbye 

\--

**oohsehun**

I think we should talk

 **Bao_zi99**  

I think we should date

**oohsehun**

That was less complicated than I thought it would be

 **Bao_zi99**  

I'm glad

\--

**Minhun fucking rise**

**Bao_zi99** has named the group **Minhun risen**

 **Baekhyunee**  

yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow this is like the longest chapter I'm developing as a character
> 
> HANDS IN THE AIR FOR JONGIN FIXING SHIT


	10. G a y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the end I keep losing inspiration for everything thx for supporting this boiz

**CBX**

**Chenchenchen**

So how's life been

**Baekhyunee**

it's 3am

**Chenchenchen**

K

How's life

**Baekhyunee**

kinda boring tbh 

but i mean chanyeol is great

 **Bao_zi99**  

Why are you heathens awake

**Baekhyunee**

if you're awake you are also a heathen

 **Bao_zi99**  

I never said I wasn't

But life is great even if Sehun is a shit

**Baekhyunee**

you love him tho

 **Bao_zi99**  

Ya

**Chenchenchen**

G a y

Bao_zi99 

Fucc u

U right 

**Baekhyunee**

lol anyways 

so jongdae found a bff who'll sex it up no matter what no questions asked

**Chenchenchen**

Working on it 

But I did meet this hot guy who's also aro I'm trying to seduce him

 **Bao_zi99**  

He won't be able to resist you

No one can

**Chenchenchen**

What are you then

**Bao_zi99**

A romantic

 **Chenchenchen**  

You got me there

**Baekhyunee**

so is your bf still awake

 **Bao_zi99**  

Yeah that's why I'm awake

**Baekhyunee**

aw that's so greasy i hate it

lies i love it

 **Bao_zi99**  

What a gent 

\--

**oohsehun**

I think I'm gonna go to bed, hyung

 **Bao_zi99**  

Alright, love you

**oohsehun**

Asjidoemlld2

 **Bao_zi99**  

What

**oohsehun**

Love you too I'm

I can't believe it Hyung we love each other

 **Bao_zi99**  

You are disgustingly cheesy

**oohsehun**

But you love me

 **Bao_zi99**  

Don't fucking expose me

Go to bed, nerd

**oohsehun**

Night, love youuuu

Bao_zi99 

Love you too 

\--

**zxyzjs** That's gay

Liked by **oohsehun** , **7_luhan_m** , **Suho** , **Bao_zi99** and **30,103 others**

_View all_ _908 comments_

**Bao_zi99** Um excuse me are you stalking us

 **zxyzjs** @Bao_zi99 mayyyybe

 **Suho** Yixing what the hell that's so weird

 **Jongnini** Thank you for feeding us father

 **galaxy_fanfan** @Jongnini what am I a roach

 **Jongnini** @galaxy_fanfan ya

 **oohsehun** I'm crying we look so cute


	11. I'm crying

OKAY SO LMAO

YOU GUYS ARE SO NICE I literally cried

Like damn y'all are just 

I love you

Thank you so much for everything like ik I sound dumb but rlly

Ty

Especially amater_asu

I think that's your un but you 

You my dude

Are the real mvp you're always so nice to me

Anyways idk why but I want to do smth for you dudes give me something to write and I'll write it for you bc I'm in a soft ass mood

Ty goodnight

Jk I'm not going to bed bc I never slEEP

Ily


	12. guess what nerds

this is getting a sequel who should be the main focus my boys

also thank you for still loving and supporting this dkfkdk i cry every time i get a rlly nice comment


	13. It's up!

As you can see, this is now part of a series, pt 1 is Okay And, since it takes place before this! 


End file.
